Feature Article:

You Can Raise Your EQ: Building Personal Competence in Practice and Life

By Shelley Simon, RN, DC, MPH, EdD
Founder, Beyond Practice Management

In the September issue of Practice Your Way, I covered the key components of emotional intelligence (EQ) and discussed why developing EQ is important for healthcare professionals interested in success. If you missed that issue, click here to read it now. To quickly recap, the core elements of EQ are: the capacity to recognize and understand one’s own feelings and the feelings of others, the ability to be self-motivated, and the competency to manage one’s emotions.

In this issue, the focus is on developing the EQ domain of personal competence, specifically the skills of self-awareness and self-management. These two skills enable you to know yourself and do the best you can with your unique skills, talents, and interests; take responsibility for your own experience; and learn to manage yourself effectively with staff, patients, and colleagues.

Marketing your practice: a testing ground for EQ

Marketing is a challenge for many service professionals. Doctors, in particular, often feel they should not have to market themselves, that it is unseemly or unbecoming to professionals such as themselves. When they do engage in marketing activities they often bump up against complex emotions such as shyness, entitlement, aggressiveness, or anxiety — all of which make the tasks of marketing and promotion particularly challenging.

How self-aware are you . . . really?

Self-awareness is the foundation for all the emotional intelligence competencies. If asked, most practitioners would say they are self-aware, that they monitor their attitudes and behaviors, and that they are tuned in to their emotional state a good deal of the time. In a perfect, stress-free world, sure. But how often have you experienced one or more of these scenarios?

• Smiling on the outside but fuming on the inside when a patient refuses your recommended course of treatment.
• Becoming defensive if a patient suggests that you’ve hurt them or that the treatment is not working.
• Blaming a staff person for something that, deep down, you know is your fault or your responsibility.
• Being unable to set boundaries with patients or staff; giving and accommodating far more than you should because you’ll feel guilty if you don’t.
• Agonizing endlessly over what should be a fairly straightforward decision.
• Feeling defeated and drained of motivation when your marketing efforts do no pay off as quickly or as effectively as you’d hoped.

Think for a moment about times when you’ve had experiences like these. Were you aware of your emotional state? Could you see your part in the situation? Did your behaviors and decisions lead to positive outcomes? You will find that your practice runs more smoothly when you pay close attention to how you feel — and respond strategically — when faced with stressful or challenging situations. But how do you do this in the middle of a hectic day? Who has time to ponder their innermost self when there are patients to see, people to manage, and problems to solve? And, really . . . why bother?

Lao Tzu said: “Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” Without self-awareness, it is unlikely that you will change, grow, and persist in the face of challenging conditions. And, as we all know, healthcare today is nothing if not challenging.

There is no single formula or distinct strategy to build self-awareness. Knowing yourself and gaining clarity about your feelings and thoughts requires practice, attention, and discipline. Though nearly impossible to measure changes in self-awareness, as you strengthen your capacity in this area you will notice subtle shifts in the way you function at work and at home, how you feel about yourself, and ultimately how you relate with others. With awareness comes the ability to make better choices and change the way you think and react to challenging situations. Some ways you can begin to monitor and attend to self-awareness include:

• Listening to yourself. What words do you use? What’s your tone of voice? How fast are you speaking? Are you actually paying attention to what you’re saying?
• Watching for patterns. What kinds of things trigger frustration or anger? Who pushes your buttons? What do you obsess or become anxious about? What “drives your crazy?”
• Thinking about what you think about. Does your world view tend to be optimistic or pessimistic? Do you anticipate the future with excitement or dread? Are you spending too much time dwelling on past events?
• Naming emotions. Are you really angry, or is that fear you’re feeling? Are you depressed, or just temporarily exhausted from overwork? Are you satisfied, content, happy, joyful, or hopeful?

Simply becoming more aware of your emotions and attitudes can dramatically improve the quality of your life and the success of your practice. When you improve self-awareness, you stand a much better chance of managing your emotions, attitude, and behavior. Do that, and you stand a much better chance of having a satisfying practice, loyal patients, and a high-functioning team in your office. Self-awareness enables us to manage ourselves in accord with our vision, intention, and goals.

Self-management is a crucial, though often overlooked, ingredient in practice development. Are you flexible, and at the same time, able to direct your behavior in a positive way? Can you develop a marketing plan and execute it, even in the face of self-doubt or other unhelpful emotions? Do you persist in growing and managing your practice, even in the face of temporary setbacks? Can you follow through on what you say you’ll do, moving with purpose toward your goals? Are you able to work steadily without becoming overwhelmed, exhausted, and burned out? These are all indicators of good self-management.

The skill of self-management — and the power that accrues with this skill — is built on a foundation of self-awareness. Productive behaviors go hand-in-hand with maintaining a positive attitude and managing emotions. So, if you strive for highly productive behavior an optimistic attitude and positive emotions will likely follow. Here’s an example of how unproductive behavior can produce a negative attitude, unpleasant emotions, and poor outcomes.

Your office manager forgets to follow through on a time-sensitive component of your marketing plan. Her inattention to detail will cause you to stay late at the office to deal with the issue yourself and her error may cost you financially as well. Even though she’s an outstanding employee and apologizes for the oversight, you respond by becoming angry, raising your voice, and giving her the silent treatment for rest of the day. Her feelings are hurt, you slip into a bad mood, and when you finally do go home you feel frustrated and mildly depressed.

Was it your manger’s error that caused your mood? Or was it your reaction to the situation? On another day would you have just shrugged it off and moved on to your next patient instead of becoming angry? If you have the ability to take things in stride, why don’t you do that more consistently? How do you translate your intention to do things differently into consistent action and sustainable behavior change?

Focus on self-management

1. When you become frustrated with someone or something, wait (a few minutes or a few days) before you respond.
2. Slow down. Listen, take time to connect, make good eye contact, give full attention to the conversation you are in at the moment.
3. Be aware of tendencies to slip into negative thinking; decide not to go down that road.
4. When faced with unwanted change, consider how to accept the situation with optimism, flexibility, and an open mind.
5. If you find yourself being drawn into an argument or confrontation, do everything you can in the moment to see the other person’s point of view. Avoid digging in your heels or becoming too attached to your opinion.

Self-awareness and self-management are two skills that high-performing healthcare providers can learn, improve upon, and practice on a daily basis to enhance career satisfaction, provide quality patient care, and have more effective working relationships. Becoming more self-aware will help you to recognize what is satisfying (or unsatisfying) about your practice, help you communicate more intentionally with patients, and increase your capacity for empathy and understanding. Improving self-management skills will allow you to experience emotions without being carried way by them, stay motivated to work on your practice even during challenging times, and relate more effectively when difficult situations arise with patients, staff, or colleagues.

In the next issue of Practice Your Way, I’ll discuss social competence, relationship management, and leadership. I’ll also be reviewing Daniel Goleman’s latest book, Primal Leadership. It’s one of the best books on leadership I’ve come across in recent years. In it, Goleman makes a solid case for increasing EQ to improve leadership skills and offers help for leaders at all levels. Until your November issue arrives, use the ideas in this article to practice self-awareness and self-management. The better you manage yourself the better you’ll mange and lead your team.

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Client's Corner:

“Pushy” Doctor Questions Impact on Others

Q: I just received feedback from my office coordinator — who is apparently almost ready to resign — that I’ve been coming across to both staff and patients as pushy and demanding. It’s probably true. I’m under so much pressure. I don’t want to drive people away, but I’m not sure how to change and still get what I need to make my practice function.

A: You are not the first practitioner to get this sort of news. First, thank your office coordinator for being honest. Then, take comfort in the knowledge that you can modify your behavior and how you are perceived by others without losing control of your practice or changing your personality. Here is what I recommend:

1. Gather more information. Ask other staff members what they’ve observed about your tendencies. Encourage them to be candid. Listen without becoming defensive.
2. Be honest with yourself. Take some time to think about how you typically respond to situations, especially stressful or difficult ones, and consider how often you achieve your desired outcome.
3. Monitor yourself. Watch carefully when “trigger situations” arise and pause before you respond. Think about the result you most want and then make an effort to respond in a way that will be most likely to produce that outcome. (Hint: Pushing harder may not be the answer).
4. Ask for help. Engage your staff in helping you achieve your goals in a more collaborative way. If being aggressive and demanding isn’t working, try another approach.
5. Consider a comprehensive EQ assessment. If you’re serious about becoming more effective with both staff and patients, I highly recommend the EQ In-Action Profile, ideally followed by a series of coaching sessions.

“The EQ profile helped me honor and better understand the struggles I have with myself and others when stressed. It gave me an internal lens to view my emotions, my empathy, and levels of trust that impact me. I feel more empowered to listen to myself, others, and have begun to see more options for response, relaxation, and respecting my needs and desires.”
— Billie Bedford

6. Invest in team coaching, staff development, or a customized workshop. The best approach for some offices is a facilitated retreat or ongoing coaching to bring your team together, facilitate difficult conversations, and set new goals for working together more effectively.

Changing longstanding behavior patterns is not easy. But it’s not impossible. Management guru Tom Peters said, “If a window of opportunity appears, don’t pull down the shade.” What you have here is an opportunity for both personal and professional growth. Consider it a gift.

Send your questions for Client’s Corner to info@beyondpracticemangement.com.

To schedule an EQ In-Action Profile for yourself or members of your staff, please e-mail or call us today: info@beyondpracticemangement.com, (503) 504-5585.

What's New:

Beyond Practice Management Featured in Today’s Chiropractic Lifestyle

Be sure to pick up the October issue of Today’s Chiropractic Lifestyle which has a feature article by Dr. Shelley Simon. The article, “Guiding Your Practice in Changing Times,” discusses how to have a thriving practice in today’s unpredictable and stressful healthcare environment.

Upcoming Issues:

Watch for the remaining articles in this series on EQ:

November — Emotionally Intelligent Leadership

December — Team EQ: Getting Your Staff Involved